by Cheryl Williams
As women many of us have been conditioned to protect, to nurture, to unselfishly give and give of ourselves, while in many instances neglecting our own needs, our desires, and our happiness. When someone one is near and dear to our heart, whether it is a spouse, family member, or close friend there is nothing that we would not do for that person if we have the means to do so.
What happens when you are in covenant with someone who breaks covenant with you? What happens when you have been mistreated or mishandled? What happens when a situation or loss has caused you so much anger and pain? Many women are harboring and internalizing anger for many reasons, yet the anger and pain is eating away on the inside of them. My sister, make no mistake you are not alone although you may feel alone.
For this particular article, I want to speak to the woman or teenager who harbors angry feelings on the inside and pretend that everything is okay when it is not. This is the silent sufferer. Please know that you do not have to remain captive to these feelings. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are a precious jewel with purpose on the inside. You are valuable, so do not let the pain, anger and frustration of your past and even your present, rob you of your future. As you go through these hard places, the process takes time and will not always be easy, but begin by making a conscious decision in your mind to take control of your well- being. Connect with people and things that will bring out the life in you, that will bring you joy, that encourages you, that builds you up and have your best interest at heart.
I am by nature a very private person who always has kept a lot in, anger and all. A close friend would all ways say to me, I can tell you so much, but you do not do the same. This is a trusted friend of over 30 years. Although I grew up in a loving and supportive household, we were not as open and transparent as some. It was just not our makeup. So opening up about things did not always come easy for me. Yes you want to be mindful of who you share with and what you share, but there is someone that I believe is assigned to help you through the process and you do not have to go through things alone. I also believe that there are others who need to hear your story and experience your strength.
True change started for me after I connected with a ministry whose leaders taught a life changing word that pierced the depths of my soul. This changed my life completely. I was able to see myself differently, and walk with a peace that no one could rob me of. This connection along with my relationship with God has helped me to release anger and pain that I have experienced in my life. This may not be your story, but you do have one that is unique to you and your situation.
Also, it is important to say that anger in itself is not the problem, but it how we handle or channel that anger. There are many things that may anger us, however if we harbor and internalize that anger it can lead to negative consequences such as health problems, abuse, and incarceration just to name a few. Although it may take time and you may have to process through many things, don’tlet anything cause you to not keep trying. If you fall, pick yourself up and keep moving. In addition, start to read and or listen to positive things that will uplift you and give you strength and courage. Seek out positive people who you may secretly admire and have a conversation with them.For some this does not come as easy as it may with others, but it takes some type of effort to build a relationship and to build trust. Expression through Journaling and writing can prove to be beneficial in many instances.This is your story, this is your pain, and this is how you feel. By having a safe outlet relieves a lot of stress and tension. You deserve the opportunity to live a productive life. One thing that I found helpful was that in the in the midst of painful and underserved experiences, taking the time to encourage someone else, compliment someone else, give someone else a smile, and speak life to someone else was not only helping others to get free and untangled, but helping me to become free and untangled as well.
Regardless of what has happened in our lives the healing process begins with us. We have to say yes to the process and make the choice to move forward and trust the process even when things become hard and uncomfortable.
For some, it might be talking with their Pastor or a trusted leader. For others, professional counseling, talking with a friend or talking with someone who is a positive influence in your life can be beneficial. What you choose to release depends on you, your relationship with the individual and where you are in the process, but the key is to start somewhere. If we do not take steps forward, we remain shackled to our past and our pain, unable to reach that place of freedom that we all deserve.